My Own Reiki Story – Part I

My Reiki Story

Part I

carol ann

Allow me to start by saying that I have been a bit of a “weirdo” for all of my life, having extremely strange experiences from a very early age, some of which I shared with my family and many others which I kept hidden for a long time.

 

I have been sensitive to other people’s energies ever since I was a kid and I have been able to pick up on other people’s thoughts/feelings for as long as I can remember.  (Not ALWAYS of course, but only sometimes, and particularly when people are having very intense emotions or thoughts…I have a funny story about this with regard to my mom when I was 3 years old, but I will save that one for later…)  It is still not something that I can do “on cue” but it happens naturally and I’m sure that I still don’t even realize it  most of the time, and I think I’d really rather not.

When I was in high school some people had intense reactions to being touched by me and often times people would avoid looking me in the eyes.  This went on for years after that and people often said  that they felt as if I could “see right through” them or that they could see their own pain reflected in my eyes.  The energy they felt when I touched them was not painful or anything, but more intense than they had previously experienced I suppose.  Needless to say, as a young person without any understanding of this, I became rather withdrawn from others and avoided both eye contact and physical affection for quite some time.

 

When I was in my early twenties, I lived in an apartment in Brooklyn and a few of my friends came and stayed with me there since I had so much extra room; and while some of them only stayed for a night here and there, others stayed for a few months at a time.

In some cases, these friends would sleep in my bed with me, and I began to pick up on their energetic auras late at night.  For one thing the early birds would end up sleeping straight through until noon and they all would sleep like rocks when they were next to me.  The sound of my voice still puts people to sleep, even when we’re supposedly having a fairly intense conversation over “pillow talk”.

Interestingly, many of these friends would often choose to sleep with me rather than to sleep in the spare bed –even my roommates did this over the years sometimes.   And the other thing that I noticed was that I could not (and still sometimes cannot) be the first person to fall asleep when other people are in the house, not until all of the other energies have settled down.

Over time I began to notice a very intense sensation while laying next to one of my closest girl friends and had the same experience whenever I shared a bed with my then-boyfriend beginning about a year later.  It was as if I could feel their energy flowing out of their bodies and into mine, even when we weren’t touching, as if all of their stress was being drawn to me like a magnet so that they could sleep more peacefully and just let go.

In the first moment that I experienced this I was pretty freaked out, but I somehow intuitively knew that I needed to focus my attention on releasing all of the energy out through my feet, and so I did.   This helped some but it was still such a jarring sensation that it took me a long time to exhaust myself to sleep.

 

I experimented a lot with this when I was with my boyfriend of a few years, he has very intense energy and it was actually quite difficult for me to create energetic boundaries in order to sleep with him at night.  I would feel this wild tingling flow of energy from him to me and I would be overwhelmed by the heat that it created.  I tried to deflect it in different ways but in any case it was always relatively disturbing for one or both of us, as if our auras were clashing or combusting rather than melding together in a healthy way.

Cuddling was damn near impossible for me to take but I suffered through it because I wanted so badly to be near to him and not have to reject him.   Once he had fallen asleep I would carefully scoot myself away and I would play with the sensation of touching him with just one finger at a time, trying to understand what was going on.  At times it felt like I was sticking my finger into a light socket, on a much milder scale of course, but I was so overcome by his charge that I could feel it coursing through my entire body and could not keep still  enough to rest.

He would wake up sometimes quite frustrated with my fidgeting too and tell me that I was radiating an intense amount of heat, it was really unfortunate how much this tampered with our relationship, and I didn’t even realize it so much until I had separated myself from him entirely.

 

Suffice it to say, I have felt a bit like Rogue from X-Men ever since I was in high school and it was not a very pleasant association for the most part since I didn’t have any kind of support or knowledge about what was really going on with me.

 

ROGUE

 

The only upside to all of this was that people always told me I was a great listener, that they knew they could tell me anything and that I would not judge them or advise them unless they asked me to, and in that regard I helped a lot of people.  But for a long time the whole package felt a lot more like a curse to me than a gift, as I was often allowing other peoples’ energies to influence my own thoughts and feelings without realizing it.  When others would come to me to vent or to share an experience, it usually felt really good to them when my emotional energy naturally became synchronized with theirs, and it felt good to me to witness their release and support them through that connection.

Most of the time I did not even know what was really happening though, it wasn’t until I started to notice that I was carrying those feelings around with me that I realized how much of a burden I was really bearing for these people.  I had to learn to protect myself, to know where I end and where others begin, and to find ways to be present with people and steer towards their pain supportively without completely joining in on their suffering in the moment.

 

Studying Religion, Yoga, Psychology, Meditation, Chakra Systems, and Spirituality ever since high school has helped me a lot in this regard as well as my training as a Crisis Hotline Volunteer and my introduction to Reiki Self-Practice.  This life-long course of study has made me a much better friend and confidant in the long run because I don’t take things on as my own burden any more than I have to, and I practice Reiki on myself daily in order to continuously heal from the stress that is weighing down on all of us.

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I suppose this was somewhat of a prologue for my Reiki story really, but its already so long that I will have to save the rest for another installation.  Don’t worry though, the rest of it involves a lot more joyous discovery and lessons learned, including an uplifting tale of a romance that heals far more than it hurts.

 

PS-

The greatest thing about Reiki is that anyone can learn to do it, you don’t have to be as weird as I am, but it certainly doesn’t hurt!  

One of my dreams has always been to support other people who have had strange experiences like and unlike my own, especially (but not limited to) children and teens.  I am pursuing my Master of Social Work Degree at Tulane University in New Orleans and my intention is to help in removing the stigmas that surround mental / emotional / behavioral health issues.

By the time I was 22 I had spent 8 years of my life convinced that something was wrong with me and I pursued all kinds of doctors in an effort to make myself “normal” until I realized there was no such thing.

Fortunately I learned a lot of helpful tools along the way to help me become more comfortable in my own skin and I enjoy sharing these tools as well as the various aspects of my story in an effort to support others with lovingkindness and respect.  The best part is, I’m still learning all the time, and its never too late for anyone to face their truth.

And the biggest truth is that we all face challenges in our lives and it is up to each of us to learn how to use our experiences to help us to grow and to prepare ourselves better for the future.  Being honest with ourselves and others about what we’re made of can be extremely difficult for most people, but the more we connect with each other the stronger we become.  So I put myself out there for the benefit of everyone, no more fear or shame.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment here or contact me privately if you have questions or comments or your own stories to share.  I’d love to hear from you!

 

goodcommon@gmail.com

 

reiki grid

 

Posted in chakras, healing, Reiki, Storytelling, Uncategorized.

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